What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Written by Tretbar Therapy

Updated last month

When exploring therapy options, you might come across Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT. It's a well-researched and highly effective approach to psychotherapy, particularly powerful for improving relationships, though it's also used with individuals and families. This article provides an overview of what EFT is, who it can help, and what to expect.

Understanding Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Developed primarily by Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Les Greenberg in the 1980s, EFT is rooted in attachment theory. Attachment theory suggests that humans are innately wired for emotional connection and that secure bonds with loved ones are essential for well-being, safety, and growth.

EFT views relationship distress (like constant arguing or emotional distance) and even individual problems (like anxiety or depression) as often stemming from disruptions or insecurities in these crucial emotional connections. The core idea is that our emotions are not the problem; rather, they are the key to understanding our deepest needs and to reorganizing our most important relationships.

Who Can Benefit from EFT?

While renowned for its success with couples, EFT can be beneficial for:

• Couples:
  • Facing communication breakdowns or constant arguments.
  • Feeling emotionally distant or disconnected.
  • Dealing with the aftermath of infidelity or betrayal.
  • Wanting to deepen intimacy and connection.
  • Stuck in repetitive, negative cycles of interaction (often called the "demon dance").
• Individuals:
  • Struggling with a history of difficult relationships.
  • Experiencing anxiety or depression, especially when related to relational patterns.
  • Having difficulty identifying, understanding, or expressing emotions.
  • Healing from attachment injuries or relational trauma.
• Families:
  • Experiencing conflict, disconnection, or difficulties navigating life transitions together.
  • Wanting to improve communication and understanding between family members.

Key Goals of EFT

The primary aims of EFT include:

• Identifying and De-escalating Negative Interaction Cycles: Helping partners or family members recognize and step out of recurring patterns of conflict or withdrawal.
• Accessing and Expressing Underlying Emotions: Moving beyond surface-level reactions (like anger or shutting down) to uncover softer, more vulnerable emotions (like fear, sadness, loneliness, or shame) and unmet attachment needs.
• Restructuring Interactions: Guiding individuals to share these vulnerable emotions and needs in a way that fosters empathy, understanding, and responsiveness from their partner or family members.
• Creating New, Positive Bonding Experiences: Facilitating moments of secure connection, emotional safety, and responsiveness within therapy sessions, which can then be carried into daily life.
• Fostering Secure Attachment: Helping individuals and partners build or rebuild a secure emotional base with one another, where each person feels seen, heard, valued, and safe.

What Does EFT Look Like in Therapy?

EFT sessions are typically experiential and present-focused, though past experiences are explored as they relate to current emotional patterns and attachment styles. Your EFT therapist will:

1. Create a Safe Space: Establish a non-judgmental and supportive environment where you feel safe to explore vulnerable emotions.
2. Track Patterns: Help you identify the negative interaction cycles that keep you stuck.
3. Explore Emotions: Guide you to access and understand the deeper emotions and attachment needs driving these cycles.
4. Facilitate New Conversations: Help you communicate these emotions and needs to your partner or family members in new ways that invite connection rather than conflict.
5. Shape New Interactions: Work to create new, positive bonding moments and reinforce more secure ways of relating.

EFT typically follows a structured process, often described in three main stages:

• Stage 1: De-escalation: Stabilizing the relationship and reducing conflict by identifying the negative cycle.
• Stage 2: Restructuring Bonds: Changing interaction patterns, sharing underlying feelings, and creating new ways of connecting.
• Stage 3: Consolidation: Solidifying new, positive patterns and preparing for future challenges.

Benefits of EFT

Research and clinical experience show that EFT can lead to significant and lasting positive changes, including:

• Increased emotional intimacy and closeness.
• Improved communication and conflict resolution skills.
• Greater empathy and understanding between partners/family members.
• Healing from past relationship injuries or attachment wounds.
• Reduced relationship distress and individual symptoms (like depression or anxiety).
• A stronger sense of security and connection in relationships.

Is EFT Right for Me/Us?

If you're feeling disconnected in your relationship, stuck in negative patterns, or want to build deeper emotional bonds, EFT could be a very effective approach. It's particularly helpful if you're open to exploring emotions as a pathway to change and believe that secure connections are vital for happiness and well-being.