Preparing Your Child or Teen for Their First Therapy Session

Written by Kirsten Tretbar

Updated 2 weeks ago

Bringing your child or teen to therapy is a supportive step towards their well-being. How you introduce the idea and prepare them for their first session can make a significant difference in their comfort and willingness to engage. Here are some tips to help you navigate this conversation.

Talking to Your Child (Ages approx. 6-12) About Therapy

1. Choose a Calm Time:
   • Find a relaxed moment when you're not rushed to talk.
2. Be Simple and Positive:
   • You might say something like: "We're going to meet someone named Kirsten who is a special kind of helper. Her job is to talk with kids and help them with their feelings, worries, or things that are tricky at school or with friends. It's a place where you can talk about anything, and she's really good at listening."
   • For younger children, you can emphasize the play aspect: "Kirsten has a special room with lots of toys, games, and art supplies, and you get to play and talk with her."
3. Normalize It:
   • "Lots of kids talk to helpers like Kirsten when they need a little extra support. It's like when you go to a doctor if your tummy hurts, sometimes people go to a 'feelings helper' when their feelings are big or confusing."
4. Explain What It's NOT:
   • "It's not a punishment, and you're not in trouble. This is to help you feel better/happier/more confident."
5. Focus on Their Experience:
   • "She'll help you with (mention a general, relatable issue without blaming, e.g., 'those big worries you have sometimes,' or 'making things feel a bit easier at school')."
6. Address Their Questions Honestly:
   • Be prepared for questions like "Why do I have to go?" or "What will we do?" Answer simply and reassuringly.
7. Emphasize Confidentiality (in an age-appropriate way):
   • "What you talk about with Kirsten is mostly private, just between you and her. She'll only share things with me if it's to help keep you safe." (Your therapist will explain this further to the child and you).

Talking to Your Teen (Ages approx. 13+) About Therapy

1. Be Direct and Respectful:
   • Teens appreciate honesty. "I've noticed you've been [mention observed concern, e.g., 'seeming really stressed lately,' 'struggling with X,' or 'we've been having a lot of conflict'], and I think talking to a therapist could be helpful. I've found someone named Kirsten who specializes in working with teens."
2. Explain the Benefits for Them:
   • "A therapist is someone outside our family you can talk to openly about anything on your mind – stress, friends, school, feelings – without judgment. They can offer new perspectives or strategies."
3. Emphasize Choice and Agency (where appropriate):
   • "I'd like you to try at least one session to see what you think. It's important you feel comfortable with the therapist."
   • Involve them in the process if possible (e.g., looking at the website, being part of the initial call if they wish).
4. Highlight Confidentiality:
   • This is often very important to teens. "What you discuss with your therapist is confidential. They won't share the details with me unless there's a serious safety concern, which they'll talk to you about."
5. Address Potential Stigma or Resistance:
   • "Going to therapy doesn't mean there's something 'wrong' with you. It's a sign of strength to seek support when you need it. Many people find it really helpful."
6. Listen to Their Concerns:
   • Allow them to express any reluctance or worries. Validate their feelings and answer their questions openly.
7. Frame it as Support, Not Punishment:
   • Ensure they understand this is about providing them with a resource and support, not a consequence for behavior.

General Tips for All Ages

• Be Positive and Hopeful: Your attitude can influence theirs. Frame therapy as a helpful and positive resource.
• Don't Use Therapy as a Threat or Punishment.
• Be Patient: It might take a few sessions for your child or teen to feel comfortable.
• Share Your Own Positive (General) Views on Seeking Help: If you're comfortable, normalize help-seeking.
• Focus on the Therapist as a "Helper" or "Support Person."

What to Expect from Us

• Work to build a trusting and comfortable relationship with them.
• Explain confidentiality in an age-appropriate way to both you and your child/teen.
• Discuss how parents/guardians will be involved in the process (this varies based on age and needs).
• Collaborate with you to support your child's progress.

Preparing your child or teen thoughtfully for their first therapy session with Kirsten Tretbar, LMFT, can set a positive tone for their experience. If you have specific concerns about how to talk to your child, please feel free to discuss this with us when you schedule the appointment or during your initial parent consultation (if applicable).